Diary

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Welcome to my DIARY this year 2017! I know this is a bit personal but I just want to share and expose this so I would feel light and free because I know I have this diary to lean on and is willing to hear all my personal dramas in life. If you get to read this by now then, WOW, you’re lucky enough because you know now something about the REAL me. πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜‹πŸ˜™

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10/18/17

Dear Diary,

I’m seriously nervous of what’s going to happen especially the management’s verdict for the coming days, but I’m hoping for the best. 😌

Much love,

LadyFretz

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10/16/17

Dear Diary,

I’m glad you’re always there for me, for being there beside me, for making me happy, for putting a smile on my face, for looking after me of what I’m doing with my calls, for assisting me whenever I doubt myself for doing transactions on my calls, for always teasing me, for making me mad, for making me cry (in which you didn’t know), for cracking jokes just to see me laugh, for accompanying me every after shift, for having breakfast together, and for just being there. THANK YOU for being you. ❀

P.S. I don’t wanna assume everything we have because it’s not even stated. You’re not stating anything. I know there’s nothing called “us” but I value every moment spent with you. I do.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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10/15/17

Dear Diary,

I’ve been actually late for 2 consecutive nights for work now and it’s all because of my AF. After knowing about it, my world just crashed down as my walls went up. Depression came in as it eats up all my entire self. I don’t know what to do because I’m still confused with my life now, and while I’m still in that stage, I chose to stay in Q for the meantime for I am earning and so as to gladly found myself soon.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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10/13/17

Dear Diary,

What an awful day. I just noticed that today’s Friday the 13th. It complements my mood. I’ll live each day as if it’s my last. I’ll just give it all to G, who’s always been there for me whenever I’m feeling hopeless, depressed, and down when no one seems to care and listen. I trust You, I really do. I really believe in Your will. Always ❀

Much love,

LadyFretz

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10/10/17

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe I wasted buckets of tears earlier. This keeps on happening over and over again when papa arrives home drunk. Now I figured out where my heartache, depression, trauma, fear, and sadness started…….. it has started at the comfort of your home. When you thought it’s the actual comfort, but in reality it’s not. When you’ve totally witnessed everything since you were little on how chaotic your family is; on how it brings inconvenience to neighbors; and on how messed up your life has been.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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10/9/17

Dear Diary,

Happy Birthday to me! Thank You, G, for giving me another year to stay in this world. Time flies so fast and I’m existing for 23 years now. Hihi. I love you! ❀

Much love,

LadyFretz

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10/8/17

Dear Diary,

Last day of being 22. πŸ‘ˆ

Much love,

LadyFretz

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10/5/17

Dear Diary,

I don’t know but how he acts and how he makes me feel things is confusing me.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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10/3/17

Dear Diary,

Sorry self he doesn’t like you. He already stated it, you’re just friends. He doesn’t want to go beyond that. Now move on self.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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9/30/17

Dear Diary,

The reason why I fall in love is because somewhere in this time you exist.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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9/27/17

Dear Diary,

This is so much of a dΓ©jΓ  vu. πŸ˜”πŸ’”

Much love,

LadyFretz

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9/22/17

Dear Diary,

I will never assume that someone likes me by their sweetness. This is usually my mistake because I easily fall on this. Not knowing that sometimes I’m just an option when they are bored. Ouch! πŸ’”

Much love,

LadyFretz

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9/20/17

Dear Diary,

I actually have a special talent and that is to stop myself from falling in love totally with the person I’m with right now. I can do that especially when I know he’s not feeling the same way and that he doesn’t like me. I can prevent that to happen so I can save my little heart because this is all I have. I’ll just walk away, cry, and hide the pain. Ouch!

Much love,

LadyFretz

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9/16/17

Dear Diary,

Why does it always have to be me? I mean, they’re actually pointing out that it’s me who has a huge crush towards him. Whyyy? All the girls ever wanted is for the guy to be the one who has a huge crush towards us in this whole picture looked at by many. Is it really too much to ask for? It’s like I’m the one chasing him. Tsss. Omg, I’m done with this BS.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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9/14/15

Dear Diary,

I went to SM Seaside earlier all by myself. Yes, you read it right, just by myself. I watched JoshLia’s movie “Love You to the Stars and Back” (LYSB) since I’ve been wanting to watch this when I first heard they’re going to have another movie after their VKJ. I did this since I wanted to cry and just feel the movie. Sometimes you need to be alone. Not to be lonely, but to enjoy your free time being yourself.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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9/9/17

Dear Diary,

He’s not gentleman. He didn’t care of what’s going to happen with me and about me…….. at all. I almost got hit by a jeepney earlier and it gave me another traumatic experience in my entire life. I know he’s sweet, has sense of humor and has some effort skills and it’s super check on my list, but the thing is, still he has some stuffs he doesn’t possess yet. Propably he’s not that expressive yet to show his inner self to me. I’m just saying these because he’s not protective of you when you crosses streets and etc. Instead, he’ll bully you to the nth level. I guess that’s what friends are for. What’s my right to say these things when he’s not the one. There’s no us in the first place. 😏

Much love,

LadyFretz

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9/8/17

Dear Diary,

Happy Birthday, Mama Mary! β˜ΊπŸŽ‰

Much love,

LadyFretz

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9/5/17

Dear Diary,

So excited for our team outing this Saturday! It will be my first time in Cebu Westown Lagoon. It’s so much off the bucket list when you go to places you’ve never been.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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9/1/17

Dear Diary,

Time flies so fast. It’s Ber months. πŸ˜—

Much love,

LadyFretz

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8/31/17

Dear Diary,

How dare her dropped me a message and say sorry because she’s guilty. Like wtf? Seriously? She’ll say sorry for what she did now that she already got him for her own? Months have passed and I know she enjoyed it a lot being with him. Now something’s have been bothering her and been wanting to say sorry so she can live peacefully. Haha! The damage has been done. Easy for you to say. You deserve the karma b*tch. Well, you don’t know how close we are. Watch out for more.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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8/20/17

Dear Diary,

I’m doing fine and feeling better every single day. After all that had happened, I already accepted the fact that we can’t dictate people based on what we just wanted them to be. I’m in the point of my life right now that if they’re gone, then go. If they stay, then good.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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8/14/17

Dear Diary,

I thought you were different. I guess I was wrong. You know I was already hurt by the other and I’m happy because you’re always at my side and we hang out a lot these days. But little by little, you were just like him and them. Now you’ve just added fuel to the fire. I hate that I like you.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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8/11/17

Dear Diary,

Quit playing games with my heart. Just be real and be true to your intentions. That’s all.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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8/10/17

Dear Diary,

I just want you to know that I’m now in the process of healing. These days I keep myself busy, doing things I like, run errands and thinking of happy thoughts. Everything I’ve been through these past few months, I’ve cried it all out; accepted the fact that things will never be the same again as they used to be; and people and feelings change. Now, all I want is to be genuinely happy. 😊

Much love,

LadyFretz

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8/6/17

Dear Diary,

He actually wasted the chance I gave. The very rare chance I could possibly give to someone like him.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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8/5/17

Dear Diary,

I’m happy for you. Please know that I am. Even if I can’t understand. I’ll take the pain. Give me the truth. Me and my heart will make it through. If happy is her, I’m happy for you.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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8/4/17

Dear Diary,

Pictures and posts are enough proofs for me to believe that there is really something going on between them. It seems they’re already together.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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7/28/17

Dear Diary,

Depression is living in a body that fights to survive, with a mind that tries to die.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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7/25/17

Dear Diary,

He keeps hurting me with their pictures together. I can’t believe he already moved on that instant. πŸ˜’

Much love,

LadyFretz

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7/20/17

Dear Diary,

You said if I fall, you’d be there to catch me. I believed you until I hit the ground.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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7/18/17

Dear Diary,

I saw him today. I bumped onto him at the elevator. He wears black like almost everyday, which serves as his favorite color, but this time it’s different. He’s wearing white. He still looks good than ever though. Always remember that you’re amazing just the way you are.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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7/14/17

Dear Diary,

Happy 2 years at Q! I never thought I’d reach this far. So grateful for this unexpected chance you’ve given me, G. I always believe in Your will. ALWAYS ❀
But if this journey has come to an end, then so be it. Whatever happens, happens.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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7/13/17

Dear Diary,

Forget those who hurt you yesterday, but don’t forget those who love you everyday. Forget the past that makes you cry and focus on the present that makes you smile.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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7/8/17

Dear Diary,

Be careful who you open up to and share your weaknesses with. Some are just taking advantage to have you on their own.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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7/6/17

Dear Diary,

Is it even real that true love has a habit of coming back? πŸ˜•

Much love,

LadyFretz

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6/29/17

Dear Diary,

Someone from the past came back and did even chat me unexpectedly, showing some concern towards me, for I posted a photo of me being admitted into the hospital. We had this little chitchat and all but eventually it ended there. It didn’t continue like how it supposed to. I still want to talk to him and know more about what each other’s are doing. But seriously, regarding the pic, nothing bad happens to me, it’s just that I wanted to take a selfie. It was really my lolo who got admitted and I just visited him. πŸ˜‚βœŒ

Much love,

LadyFretz

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6/24/17

Dear Diary,

Because even the people you least expect to leave you, will still leave you.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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6/19/17

Dear Diary,

I’m walking along the hallway and as I about to reach the door exit, I suddenly saw them having an intimate talk, in which, I know nothing about. I don’t know if it was even true but it made me feel that they were real. I saw them in both naked eyes. They were so close with each other like showing affection, a sweet gestures of a man and woman. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know what to say after seeing that scene. It hurts from deep within. πŸ’”

Much love,

LadyFretz

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6/16/17

Dear Diary,

I wanted to believe what I just saw and read today. That I both saw them having happy chitchats and read some possible love posts about the other.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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6/14/17

Dear Diary,

I won’t chase you. Why? ‘Coz I’ve realized I’m not a dog. I know my worth.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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5/31/17

Dear Diary,

I didn’t give up actually. Instead, he was the one who gave up. I was just waiting for him to say those words to end what we had agreed in the contract. We don’t need to force nor beg anyone to stay in our life. In the end, it’s still their choice if they want to be part of it. With this, I’ve realized 6 important qualities, in which, I value the most when it comes to having a relationship:
-Time
-Effort
-Love
-Respect
-Presence and
-Consistency

Much love,

LadyFretz

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5/23/17

Dear Diary,

I’m actually getting flashbacks from my past right now. Memories during HS days. What does this mean? I mean why? Why do I feel so sad and heartbroken all of a sudden. It always brought me to tears. Is there something or someone I need to go back to? πŸ˜­πŸ’”

Much love,

LadyFretz

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5/14/17

Dear Diary,

I guess it’s over. It has been said and done. He just popped it. I knew it from the start that he would end up like everyone else. No one stays for a one. Everything is only temporary.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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5/13/17

Dear Diary,

Yes, I am smiling. But don’t let that fool you. Look into my eyes. I am breaking inside. πŸ˜­πŸ’”

Much love,

LadyFretz

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5/7/17

Dear Diary,

I’ve been single all my life and I’m already used to it. It’s like the spell has been broken since all of a sudden there are two people knocking to my heart now for they want to enter and be part of it. They both make me happy and giddy actually. I both like them. I really do. I don’t know why I’m feeling this way all at the same time, but it makes me thought to have two hearts instead so that I can love two people for me not to get confused of who I’m going to choose between them.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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5/5/17

Dear Diary,

I’m confused as a whole person. Even my heart is confused. I don’t know what to do. Help me G. πŸ˜’πŸ’”

Much love,

LadyFretz

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4/29/17

Dear Diary,

Island Hopping was so much fun! Been to 3 islands and they were all wonderful. God’s beautiful creation indeed. Had a great time together with Team NiΓ±o. I was not really under his supervision, but I have teammates now, who were under him before and the good thing about it, outsiders are allowed to come and join so why not grab the opportunity. Besides they invited me as well. Travel is everything. It’s like a food for the soul. I’m so happy I’m able now to go places I’ve never been before little by little. Thank you, G! 😚

Much love,

LadyFretz

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4/16/17

Dear Diary,

We’re back to normal and I can say that we’re now good friends. I’m happy of what we are right now. 😊

Much love,

LadyFretz

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4/9/17

Dear Diary,

I’ve already eaten my pride and took the chance just to tell him everything he needs to know. Can’t believe I did it myself though it took me days to do such thing. I don’t care about the outcome as long as I was able to tell him those words that I’ve been wanting to convey towards him, that’s already enough. I’m now at peace and no more heavy heart. It will no longer haunts me. 😊

Much love,

LadyFretz

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4/6/17

Dear Diary,

I was about to tell him what I feel inside and I already conditioned myself for anything that would possibly happened. My mindset, as long as I could confess to him everything, that would be enough and that would make me happy. If he rejects and ignores it, no matter what his decision would be, I would respect that. If he doesn’t want me in his life anymore, I would take that, because I somehow deserve that kind of treatment after all I did to him innocently. I did chat him today and it seems he’s diverting his attention now to something and doesn’t want to talk or hear me out anymore unlike what we were before. It’s no longer the same. It deeply hurts within. Swear. πŸ’”

Much love,

LadyFretz

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4/3/17

Dear Diary,

Had so much fun in Olango Island together with my co-trainees for CORP-ERD. I’m so happy I get to experience this in this lifetime. Our 2 days and 1 night were all well-spent and well-accommodated by Anton. Our island hopping turned out to be island walking like literally. HAHAHA. We need to travel while we’re still young and able. To unwind and escape reality somehow. I’m looking forward for more travels and adventures. So excited to go to places I’ve never been! πŸ˜„

Much love,

LadyFretz

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4/1/17

Dear Diary,

I think of this a couple of times already and finally have the guts to tell him something very important that he needs to know, but I can’t do it today since it’s April Fools Day. He might misinterpret it again that I was just fooling him around. I guess I’ll do it some other time then.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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3/28/17

Dear Diary,

I saw him thrice today. I just realized in myself that I missed him.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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3/26/17

Dear Diary,

I’m not an easy person to love but I’d like to think I’m worth it. ☺

Much love,

LadyFretz

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3/21/17

Dear Diary,

It’s been 2 years exactly today since I graduated from college. Time flies so fast. Until now I’m still confused of what the future holds. #MCL πŸ˜ŒπŸŽ“

Much love,

LadyFretz

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3/17/17

Dear Diary,

I thank Joy so much for accompanying me today in watching Beauty And The Beast at Ayala mall. She also wants to watch it so we decided to watch together. Since watching movies became my hobby, now I’m supposed to watch it with someone I love but he’s no longer by my side anymore. If only we’re still in good terms, this could be our bonding and date together. In just a snap, he’s gone by the wind.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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3/16/17

Dear Diary,

Confessed everything to G somehow to ease the pain inside. Went to Sto. NiΓ±o earlier because I really need to see and talk to Him. Thank you G for always being there for me.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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3/13/17

Dear Diary,

I cry silently. I cry inside of me. I cry hopelessly because I know I will never breathe your love again. 😳

Much love,

LadyFretz

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3/12/17

Dear Diary,

I got to see him for 3 consecutive days now unexpectedly. I don’t know why but I’m just happy that it happened…. at least.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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3/6/17

Dear Diary,

I love eating so much, but I hate getting fat. πŸ˜’

Much love,

LadyFretz

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3/4/17

Dear Diary,

Back to midshift again. Like why? I don’t want to be transferred to another sup, encounter new faces and adapt to new environment. It’s exhausting and hassle at the same time.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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3/3/17

Dear Diary,

Everything seems to be confirmed between them already. They like each other. Now where would I place myself? I just recently admitted I have a crush towards a person (like finally a person next of course to James Reid mylabs πŸ˜…), but later after that it’s slowly fading knowing you like someone else. It hurts but I guess I need to move on and it takes time. 😏

Much love,

LadyFretz

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3/2/17

Dear Diary,

I just found out something today that hurts my feelings. My crush is being linked to someone else. I thought it was just sort of a joke that we made in our groupchat like pushing him and her towards each other. But what hurts is she’s our teammate who already has children, single mom. I think she likes him and what shocks me is apparently he’s also reciprocating the feeling. Like why would he fell for her? I mean, age gap you know almost 10yrs I guess. I don’t even know why I’m feeling this way. It hurts! It’s just so OA! This is not me! I really hate this feeling. πŸ˜­πŸ’”

Much love,

LadyFretz

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2/25/17

Dear Diary,

I just noticed someone today who was always saying “Hi” to me by the time I arrived and everytime he sees me on the floor. Like very consistent after all. I find it cute gesture of him doing that. He’s nice though and I don’t know but I’m starting to like him. He’s now my crush. ☺

Much love,

LadyFretz

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2/19/17

Dear Diary,

I guess he really gave up on me. There’s nothing I can do then, but accept it. I felt just a bit guilty of not answering that “YES or NO” question that he’s been wanting to know. That’s why these past few days, I’ve been trying to win back the friendship but it seems too late because apparently as the days go by, he has slowly moving on without letting me know.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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2/18/17

Dear Diary,

Team Mykee just had a little get-together/outing at Camp Lapu-Lapu today. It was fun to bond with your teammates away from stress and spending long hours on taking calls. I just have a new-found friend as well. 😁

Much love,

LadyFretz

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2/14/17

Dear Diary,

I just want to thank Adrian for giving me a cute V-Day gift which looks like a heart-shaped lollipop so I won’t feel bad and alone during Valentine’s Day. He knows what I’ve been through after all the chitchats we had. He’s like a brother and counsellor to me. Hihi πŸ˜‚. You’re so sweet and thoughtful! Jolina is so blessed to have you. ❀

Much love,

LadyFretz

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2/11/17

Dear Diary,

Happy 1st Anniversary to us mylabs James Reid! Looking forward to many years together with you. πŸ˜™β€

Much love,

LadyFretz

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2/8/17

Dear Diary,

You can’t judge my choices without understanding my reasons.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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2/7/17

Dear Diary,

If you can’t understand my silence, then you will never understand my words.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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2/6/17

Dear Diary,

Everything happens for a reason. Forget those who forgot you. Just go ahead and leave. I won’t chase because if you wanted, you would.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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2/4/17

Dear Diary,

I just can’t believe that all this time he just used me so he could get his “one great love” back in his arms. Poor me! I somehow believe and appreciated his efforts, words and actions. Everything was a pure lie. Now I know why I don’t put my trust to boys that much, why I just go with the flow with them and the reason why I’m single. They’re just not worth it.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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2/3/17

Dear Diary,

People come and go. Not everyone is meant to stay. That’s life.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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2/2/17

Dear Diary,

We don’t talk anymore like we used to do. I miss the person whose chat head would always pop up everytime I turn my wifi on. I miss those times when he was the only person I chat with, trying to keep the communication between us and would always thought of your welfare. He would always be the same person I think of when I wake up in the morning and before going to bed for we say “Good Morning” and “Good Night” with each other consistently.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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2/1/17

Dear Diary,

Everything is temporary; people, emotions, situations and feelings. Don’t get attached to it, just flow with it.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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1/31/17

Dear Diary,

I’m always suspicious of anyone that finds me attractive. lol

Much love,

LadyFretz

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1/30/17

Dear Diary,

Stop holding on to people that have already let you go.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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1/29/17

Dear Diary,

I thought he’s different from the rest. I thought he actually cared. I thought he would fight for his feelings. I thought he already holds the key. But I was all wrong. πŸ˜πŸ˜”

Much love,

LadyFretz

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1/28/17

Dear Diary,

It’s been ages and we’re finally complete in one picture! Thank you so much, G, for we have a legit family dinner today. We get to bond and all. It’s somewhat papa’s post-birthday celebration plus Chinese New Year.
KUNG HEI FAT CHOI FROM US!!! 😍πŸ‘ͺπŸ’—πŸŽ†πŸŽ‰πŸ“

Much love,

LadyFretz

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1/27/17

Dear Diary,

Don’t chase people. Be you, do your own thing and work hard. The right people who belong in your life will come to you, and stay.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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1/26/17

Dear Diary,

“Tinkerbell has always been there for Peter. And Peter? He chose Wendy”. It seems I’m like Peter right now. πŸ˜•

Much love,

LadyFretz

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1/25/17

Dear Diary,

I think he misunderstood that moment. That’s not what I really meant. He perceived the wrong idea. In fact, I haven’t even provided the answer to his question yet. I’m just confused and don’t want to answer for the meantime. Haven’t he realized the thought of “Silence means YES”? Can we just prolong the friendship first before we get to that stage? 😏

Much love,

LadyFretz

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1/23/17

Dear Diary,

I hate that I’m CONFUSED and BALIMBING at the same time. Sorry guys for being like this. I think it started when I graduated from college. Seems everything slaps on my face that hey wake up this is now the real world and this is what and how it feels like. Very opposite to what I used to. One thing I’m sure of, I know what I wanted in my life. But I just don’t know where to end up with.

Much love,

LadyFretz

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1/17/17

Dear Diary,

Bed weather today. So cold. It’s like I’m hibernating here all day long. πŸ˜‚

Much love,

LadyFretz

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1/9/17

Dear Diary,

Happy Anniversary to us, baby J7!!! I can still recall the day I bought you and I was extremely happy knowing the fact that finally I have a legit phone, in which, I can call my own. You’re the fruit of my labor while working in Q. πŸ˜’πŸ˜™β€

Much love,

LadyFretz

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1/1/17

Dear Diary,

Happy New Year everyone!!! It’s a brand new year. Need to start the year right. Time to heal all the wounds. Forgive and forget. Be happy and everything will fall into its place. ❀

Much love,

LadyFretz

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